the frustrations of a soon to be thespian

The Aftermath II

2007-06-20T00:29:00.000+08:00

"The Aftermath II"

oh screw my previous post....

so what if i have changed?
you cant control it anyway...

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after talking to a couple of friends, i realized that i shouldnt care...
truetruetrue...=)

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changes are uncontrollable...
so what kung ganon tingin nila sakin?

wala rin naman ako magagawa don...
if thats what they want to think edi sige...

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so what if people know what happened?

can i still turn back time and bawiin lahat ng ginawa ko?

nope....

i think i shouldnt be ashamed tungkol don....
kasi wala naman akong ginawang masama...

i realized that kahit na gaano ka tago yung secrets...malalaman parin tlga ng iba...
whatever...
if you want to kno to satisfy your curiosity sige lang..
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siguro lang....
i shouldnt be affected sa mga ganon kasi it will just bring me down...
tama...
hayaan na sila..okie??=)
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" changes? so what? DEAL WITH IT..."

changes...

2007-06-18T23:41:00.000+08:00

"changes..."

**** (6/18/2007 10:07:56 PM): sana wag lang mag babago ugali

carms (6/18/2007 10:07:58 PM): paano naman?

carms (6/18/2007 10:08:06 PM): di naman nagbago ugale ko haha

**** (6/18/2007 10:08:10 PM): dont know..

**** (6/18/2007 10:08:27 PM): i heard some rumors na nag bago na daw ugali mo since nung nag college ka na

**** (6/18/2007 10:08:39 PM): porket pumayat ka na daw

**** (6/18/2007 10:08:40 PM): ?

carms (6/18/2007 10:08:42 PM): shit,,may rumors tungkol saken?

carms (6/18/2007 10:08:48 PM): kanino naman galen yan?

**** (6/18/2007 10:08:57 PM): well..

**** (6/18/2007 10:08:59 PM): rumors..

**** (6/18/2007 10:09:02 PM): pasa pasa un

carms (6/18/2007 10:09:26 PM): taena..di naman ako nagbago no..baka feeling lang nila? kasi nagiba nga itsura ko?

carms (6/18/2007 10:09:27 PM): haha

**** (6/18/2007 10:09:43 PM): oh well

**** (6/18/2007 10:09:47 PM): dont know wid them

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I don't know what to say...or how to react...

nagbago daw ako porket ganon...

all i kno is the only permanent thing in this world is change..

pero i think people made the wrong judgement..ang negative kasi ng dating na i have changed just because "pumayat daw ako"

well in my own point of view, with all the things i have experienced this year, kahit di pa tpos ang taon. I learned lots of things... and siguro namisinterpret ako?

there was on point in my life that i got really bitter and tried to do anything just to make that bitterness dissapear..baka yun ung reason kaya nagbago ako.. and that made me stronger

im still unsure kng ano nga...one time, a former classmate told me na parang bitch na daw ako since nagcollege ako..iniisip ko naman ..hinde naman..

naalala ko tuloy ung quote na

"behind every bitch is a guy that made her that way"

haha

nagaagree ako doon... pero i never came to a point na naging bitch ako ng sobra...

i just want someone na sabihin sakin na ano ung mga bagay na nagbago sakin..para maliwanagan naman ako no....haiiii

"he told me that i have done alright and kissed me through the morning light"

2007-06-17T17:03:00.000+08:00

"he told me that i have done alright and kissed me through the morning light"

im so sorry for the late update...

i was just so busy...
schoolworks and everything

akalain mo first two weeks tambak na ng schoolworks...
and im adjusting pa in that kind of set-up....
paano nung first year di naman ganto..
so now..im trying to be a good student para next year....u kno what i mean..hehe

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ano paba? coudnt think of anything more...lahat ng nasa utak ko ngaun puro schoolworks..cha-cha...economic indicators...multinationalcorporations..etcetc..kelngn ko magunwind!! hehehee

ginagawa ng mga singol girls for their birthday

2007-06-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

"ginagawa ng mga singol girls for their birthday"

So ayan...tignan nio kalokahan ko...=),,,,,,,,I was talking to a friend of mine nagrereklamo nanaaman sa kawalan ko ng boyfriend..hehehe

andito na listahan ng requirements ko sa gusto ko ah,,hehehe

carms : sugar kuya
carms : uy! un nlng!
carms : hahahaha
**** : jajaja
**** : *hahah
**** : tama
carms : sana me gnon
**** : haha dpt mayamn!
**** : hahaha
carms : oo!
**** : hahaha
carms : sana me makita tau
carms : pero xempre dapat matino
carms : gwapo
carms : matalino
carms : matangad
carms : buff ang katawan
carms : MAGALING KUMANTA!!! di lng ung mga kanta ni JR tpos un ikaw ang trulab ko
carms : hahahahaa
**** : hahaha
carms : marunong magitara
**** : dme hnhnp ah
**** : hahaha
carms : marunung magsayaw
carms : sweet
carms : kayang sakyan random emo moments ko
**** : sbhn mo kaya, lahat nlng
**** : hahha
carms : kayang sakyan sountrip ko
carms : hahhahaahaha
carms : pwede ren
**** : hahaha
carms : pero imposibleng may mahanap ako na ganyan no?
**** : ppkhrp ka pa icpn lht eh
**** : hahha
**** : oo
**** : haha
carms : pero malay mo
carms : tawad na un sa instrument..kht anong instrument..
carms : hahahah
**** : hahahaha
**** : gaga
**** : heheh
carms : ano paba
carms : xempre un photogenic...papkita mo sa mga kaibgn mo un pic e
carms : hahahaha
carms : at iba ibang kanta ang pinapakinggan di lang emow!! yucky
**** : hahaha tae ka
**** : dme nyan noh
carms : yuck tlga un solidong emo!
carms : yuck
carms : ganto pa magtype o
**** : hahaha
**** : cno bang gnon?
**** : haha
carms : **!!!ISTARIRIAY!!!**
carms : AMPOTA
carms : ay!!! ayoko ren ng manyak!
carms : ahahhahahaa
**** : cno nman yna?
**** : hahha
carms : alam mo na..ewww
carms : hahahahaha
**** : eww tlga
**** : hahaha
carms : kaso parang wlng direksyon to..may mahanap kaya tayong ganto?
carms : hahahahahahaa
**** : hahaha ewan ko
**** : malabo ata
carms : kng me magbbgo para sakin
carms : ewww!! feeling!!
carms : hahahaha
**** : hahaha malay mo..
carms : ay oonga
carms : hahahaaha
carms : sana nga
carms : ang tanong diba me magkakainteres kaya
carms : hahahaha ampota
**** : hahahaha
**** : meron cgro
**** : ewna ntn
**** : hahhaha

back to school birthday blues

2007-06-04T18:05:00.000+08:00

"back to school birthday blues"

IT IS OFFICIAL...

ngayon na ang huling araw ng bakasyon ko...

to tell you the truth, tinatamad pa akong pumasok sa iskool...

ganon naman palagi eh...

tapos iniisip ko pa kung mamayang gabe makakatulog ako kasi nga naman nagkabaligtad na araw ko..hehe..baka bukas pagpasok ko, bangag ako kasi wala akong tulog.. tsktsktsk

i dunno what to expect.. ang alam ko lang, maraming mawawala..pero same faces parin naman

and i kno for a fact na lahat ng subjects mas mahihirap na...

bakit? kasi tignan mo to..eto listahan ng subjects ko:

Principles of Law
Finance of International Operations
Marketing Practice
Customer Care and Service
Business Ecology and Environment
Business Math 2

Kahit ba anim lang yan e alam ko na mahirap talaga....hmmmpp..i need to study harder...HARDER TALAGA!! kasi i need to maintain yung alam mo na...haha,,nahihiya akong sabihin dito eh..

peros sige pagbubutihin ko...3 terms nalang naman..3terms nga ba?

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Bukas den...sakto birthday ko...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!...seventeen nako...yey! isang taon nalang 18 nako...antagal naman noon...

pero di ko feel na birthday ko..i dunno why..

kasi siguro un birthday wish ko last year di tinupad...actually muntikan na, kaso binawi agad..hehehe..those were the days..nako nostalgic nanaman ako..haha

actually i have a wishlist ngaun birthday ko..pero ayoko ishare kasi very private..=)

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and i also bought a birthday gift for myself.. bumili ako ng novel by Paulo Coelho.. ung "The Zahir"

ay nako...u should read it kasi maganda..pero di ko pa natatapos nasa kalahati palang ako..

and then...

binilan ko rin sarili ko ng bagong tank top!! ung "got pancit" na nakikita ko sa greenhills for a month na

see?=) pasencya na haggard nako...5am na ata yan e...nocturnal mode lang hehe

so aun...nothing special...hehe

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maibang usapan...

may message ako sa isang tao..PERO DI NIYA MABABASA TO I KNO!

"miss na kita...di mo alam siguro malamang!! pero ang weird kasi every song reminds me of you..seryoso..nakakatawa noh? tapos non nakakita ako ng kabuilt mo somewhere na akala ko ikaw.. lumakas tibok ng puso ko...amp! so un lng..ingat, i miss you..."

crush ko siya nung third year high school ako lumipas ang third year, then fourth year then first year college.. nagkakilala kami personally college then dun kami nagkausapusap na.. hehe...weird noh?

SO ANO KAYA TO? edi crush hehehe..nye..ang childish nito parang highschool amp!!!

ay teka...sa makakabasa nito..wag wag wag mgfeeling okei?=) walang confirmation kung sino tong taong to..blind item muna..hehe

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oh btw..may tinry akong kakikayan... i painted my fingernails green then my toenails black..ang weird ko..heehe..

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so yun lang... wish me luck sa new school year..sana makasunod ako...hmmp..kaya ko to...=)

2007-05-31T01:04:00.001+08:00

"The tans will fade, but the memories will last forever ."

Today, if you haven't noticed was raining hard...This is probably a sign that summer is definitely over for us... In less than a week, most of us will be back to school..And will be again waiting for the next summer to come...=)..Summer is always a memorable season for all of us..

As for me, this was the most memorable yet. I've had many firsts this season.. and i never regret every single one of them... Curious?? Here it is:

I conquered a fear...

oh yes!.. i got my belly pierced on 04/12/07... I had a long talk with my mom about that piercing..and the risks that i would have to take... I know that i do not have a piercing-worthy belly but i really wanna give it a try... However, this is a motivation for me to lose weight..hehehe.. NEXT PIERCING?? TONGUE!!=)

I got in touch with old friends

I'm not into getting in touch with old friends because i want them to take the initiative to talk to me first..haha(arte!). And oh, when i say old friends, i meant old childhood friends.. Got in touch with them through friendster...See a networking site is very useful!!=)

Got bitter and started a new story...
I started a business

yepyepyep... i started a business.. It's called novels for less... An online store that sells preowned novels.. Though i only had a handful(or maybe less) of customers, im still happy since this is my first "business venture"...At least i get to buy starbucks with my own money..hehehe..My business is still running by the way..So feel free to browse through my albums and let me know if you like something...=).. Next year, ill try the food industry..o maybe fashion?? hehehe...

I have experienced commuting via the lrt/mrt for the first time

I never liked commuting.. with all the smoke and irritable people... However, due to my so-called business, i had to meet clients to deliver the novels they ordered... I would have to thank kristel for this.. she accompanied me from paranaque to vito cruz to shangrila to glorietta then going back again to paranaque...However, still cant remember what to ride..hahaha.. I also met her friend that moment..hehee..right tel??

I received an award from school and liked the way i looked in the graduation photo...and oh, im an unofficial graduate..hehe

I survived my first year in college!! hehe.. I got an award which is the academic excellence award..It was weird because i didnt study much last year but still i got one..Im so thankful for that..yey!! And i love the way i look on my grad pic...Without the makeup, all the stress and having my heart broken at the time of the grad pic shoot, i looked great!!=)

I rode a jeepney that was so masikip

I was with my commuting buddy, kristel when this happened... We went at Mall of Asia to watch Spiderman 3... To get home, we have to ride a jeepney that passes by SM Bicutan... The thing is, before the jeepney leaves thay have to fill all the spaces in the jeepney..Meaning masikip talaga.. And they were all men..All scary men..tsktsktsk ...hehe... That was an experience though.

I saw the guy i once loved(the guy on the photo above) and was surprised by my reaction

There was this guy that fooled me once..Let's just call him "big tummy" due to his big tummy that wasnt proportional to his body..This happened when kristel and i watched spiderman.. I actually thought that i would see him at moa but then i didnt... Which was good.. However, when we reached sm bicutan and passed by that big computer shop at the mall, we saw him.. I imagined that moment to happen before.. But it didnt turn out as expected. I thought that i would get hurt when i see him. But when i saw him, nothing happened.. I even took a second look to see if thats really him.hehe..weird right? im so over him... next please??=)

I lost my temper to an older woman

This older woman i was talking about is the owner of "felinas guesthouse" at puerto galera... She told me that she havent received our advance payment yet..and we have no guaranteed rooms...WTF!?!? who wouldnt lose her temper in such a situation like this? The worst part is, she called me when i was watching Spiderman 3 at the cinema... and i missed the climax of the movie...tsktsktsk...owell she was very accomodating naman when we reached puerto..ok na...=)

Had a well-deserved summer getaway

Went to puerto galera with a couple of friends...There were supposed to be more people in the trip but parents were strict. Especially when puerto galera is far from manila... Had fun... Enjoyed the beach though we got sunburnt(and wasnt able to join the sagala...tsktsk..sorry..)... Hopped into the banana boat..Gone snorkeling.. Met new people.. and relax..=).. This was a memorable trip since it was the first time that my parents allowed me to go out of town.. their reason? "malaki ka na eh"....hehehe..and guess what?? I asked my mom if i could go on a backpacking trip to singapore and she said yes!! yey!!=)

I threw up because of alcohol and had a hangover the next day ..for the first time

The culprit? The infamous Mindoro Sling..Everyone said that it was good so we have to try it for ourselves...It was good but got me drunk..tsktsktsk...

I Got a tan!!

A tan that ive been longing for... For years now...=)

I met someone and starting to get attached to him...

nuff said....

Wrote slash typed the longest post in my blog...

And you just read it...hehehe

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This summer was definitely memorable.. However, theres still more to come.. Im still young.. I'll probably wait for another ten months to experience summer again and make more memories..

As for now, I need to prepare for the start of the school year which is next week..Yey! im in second year..=) wish me luck..=)

2007-05-30T02:47:00.000+08:00

i deserve to be hit in the head...

estupida!!!!

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

2007-05-29T02:20:00.000+08:00

in the mind of an insomniac

Insomnia by ~IreneShpak on deviant ART

im an occasional insomniac... Yep..during summer vacations..hehee...

it all started in my grade school days..

i still remember every bit of detail of what happened that time...

coz it was my birthday...

the next day we were goin to subic to celebrate my nth birthday..

i really cant remember what year that was..

iwas so excited so i didnt sleep althroughout the night

just watched tv...the next day i was seriously bangag...no one could talk to me hehe...

years passed...im still an occasional insomniac...

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its 349 am and im still awake

alone sitting on our living room ...and im watching otc on etc..

im seriously gonna buy dvds of it..coz i missed all three seasons...bummer...tsktsk

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do you think that i love being an insomniac?? no... i hate it...

reasons why

Insomnia slows down my system...
Insomnia causes zits...which i hate
i wake up late
i dont have enough energy for the day
and the eyebags!! hehehe

i need to get some sleep now...gnyt...=)

2007-05-28T23:24:00.000+08:00

its just another false alarm

yep...another one..can someone hit me in the head so that i could learn my lesson na??

hmmmp

ganon naman lagi e...im getting used to it na

i often misinterpret gestures...

paano kasi naman..you guys give impressions sa girls that you like them

nageexpect din kami..ryt ryt?

buti di pako nafall..kundi patay nnman ako...

achivement un!! hehehe

so girls..my advice..take your time..dont expect too much,,and dont trust agad...=)

???bliss???

2007-05-24T20:52:00.000+08:00

trial and error...........

the best way in finding someone....=P

playing hard to get?? so not me...=P

2007-05-21T11:27:00.000+08:00

i guess that its so not me...

currently playing hard to get..

and im having the urge tomake the initiative to talk to him..

argghh..msisira nanaman plan ko..hehehe

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ive deleted his number from my phone...to avoid sending
groupmessages to him

~but then..i still have a copy of his number..behlat!!

ignored him in ym

~but i never deleted him whatsoever

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with him..i felt the spark...

the awkwardness i find when talking to him...

actually, thats what im looking for... That mysterious feeling

i don't wanna screw this up anymore...

but i dunno if he felt the same way...*god i hope he does*

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what the hell is the right thing to do???

i think it depends on the personality of the guy...

--------------------------------------------------

i dont wanna make the first move either...

i just not that kind of girl

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but i think theres something talaga

there are times na when i talk to him i get tameme..hehe(seriously)
and di naman nangyayari sakin un...

~~ when i talk to other guys.. tuloytuloy ako nagsasalita..but then
when it comes to him... i get tameme talaga

i find myself staring at him

~~ hala talaga

my heart beats faster when he goes online or when he texts me..

~~ which rarely happens sa iba
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what the hell does this mean??

wala ren makapagsabi e...

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another sun soaked season fades away

and i left my heart in it.....

The Aftermath

2007-05-19T10:48:00.000+08:00

i've been having random emo moments...

idunno why...

probably because ive got nothing to do..

another reason is that im regetting one of my past decisions

i thought that our summer trip would make me forget that decision pero nope...

it was still bothering me...
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if i could just turn back time, i would take back what i said and....

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the thing is i hate taking risks...

im afraid of getting hurt so im trying to control my emotions and feelings...

I learned my lesson coz

when i followed my heart, i ended up hurt

i guess u kno what i have been through..well that is if you kno me...

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siguro maghihintay nanaman ako...hmmmp

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

i so hate reality.....=(

erm...random ramblings of a confused mind

2007-05-01T02:50:00.000+08:00

girlfriends....

they just cant get over the past...

yep... the pathetic little girls..

i dunno wat exactly happend in the situation

but i guess...they end up being pathetic..

gosh! they are so naive..

oh.....leave them alone..hehehe

my advice for you? act mature and get over the past...past is past u kno...

and im saying this in my most friendly way..

act mature and get over it..coz i got over it na..=)

idunno lng kng mababasa nia to..hehe
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on the other hand...i got my belly ring changed na!!! yey

they told me na i should get a tongue ring...next year i will..and it doesnt hurt much daw..

depende sa tolerance ng pain..ive got a high tolerance sa pain naman..

haha..price was ok..800 pesos per piercing ..

sa robinsons..the name of the tattoo parlor is "tattoo by gene testa"

they also do tattoos and hennas for a very reasonable price...tattoos start at 1k and

hennas 150 or 200 ata..

patattoo na!! hahaha..ill probably get one in 3 years..haha..para i wont need na the

consent of my parents...pahirapan mgconvince eh..hahaa

or takas nlng?=) hehehe

then we ate sa racks pero diet mode parin..ididnt eat the baby back ribs nakakatba un e......

gosh i missed that place..

it makes me miss mandaluyong...tsktsk...balik nlng kaya ako dun? haha

awwww......haha..ayoko...my friends are here in the south eh..haha

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im still confused wt wut im filing..

minsan im ok sa fact na un...pero minsan filing ko impossible..hahaha

hai.....weird right?=)

labo ko! effect na ata to ng antok

naantok nako..hehehe

morning

confessions of a confused spoiled brat.....

2007-04-24T02:28:00.000+08:00

yes...

im spoiled...

and i also hate to admit that im a brat....

it all started when i was a child shempre...

i was really spoild eversince tlga...

i always get what i want immediately...

probably because it took so long before i had a sibling...

whenevar i wanted something...toys, food, go somewhere

i always get it...name it.. mommy will give it to me..

my parents probably thought that i would change when i grow up...

Thats what they thought...

i guess i never changed....

call me the queen of spoild people..i dont care...coz i know that its true..

i guess theyre getting used to it...

and i think that i should probably change...coz i am the one whos going to suffer in the future...

one reASON why i realized that im spoild?

coz they bought me a laptop...which i wont be needing this summer...sa pasukan pa..

i got really guilty..coz i got into a fight with my mom before they bought me the laptop...

i should really change na...tsktsktsk

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i am also confused....

someone from the past came bac and idunno how should i approach that situation..

tstsktsk...

ill keep you updated nlng on that issue..

2007-04-13T13:54:00.000+08:00

im not the type of girl who believes in dreams

some people just base their decision in what they have dreamt of...

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im not that type...

however,

its seems like someone is sending me signs...

idunno..im not sure...

for two days straight ive been dreaming of weird things...

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the first dream i had was a fire...

and it seems like i dont care

i was just there chatting with people i cnt remember

and i aven went closer to feel the fire...

tsktsktsk

that was so weird

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The next dream i had was a jellyfish...

i cant remember the dream but i remembered the jellyfish

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weird right?

the next day i searched through the net the meanings of these stuffs and i got these:

Fire

It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering your life. Your thoughts and views are changing. In particular, if the fire is under control or contained in one area, it is a metaphor of your own internal fire and inner transformation. It also represents your drive and motivation

~~~~ this is probably true.... something old is passing and something new is entering my life?? yea...true enough..=)
~~~~ another thing is that this might probably a sign...when i was younger i call a certain someone "apoy" the next day, we started communicating again..haha

Jellyfish

To see a jellyfish in your dream, represents painful memories that is emerging from your unconscious. There may be hidden hostility or aggression in some aspect of your waking relationship or situation.

~~~~errr...i doubt this...theres no more bitterness in me na naman e...this is weird...

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Should i or should i not believe in dreams?

what a bitter a*hole

2007-04-07T18:55:00.000+08:00

so here i am again blogging...

you probably know the reason why...

im bored,,,

-------------------------
ohwell another schoolyear has ended..

all the dramas and fun

i cant believe that i survived my freshman year!!

whoohoo

1 down 2 to go!!=)

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ok so im here to talk about someone...

an asshole....

i know that i moved on and everything

but what bothers me is why he deleted me as his friend on his frenster account...

its weird right?

after a month of no communication all of the sudden...

i know its all mababaw

pero diba there must be a reason behind that

there must be something....

hmmmpp...

i wouldnt let that bother me nalang...

basta summer would be fun...=)

i could relate to this...haha..pseudo relationships..tsktsk

2007-03-14T20:31:00.000+08:00

got this from ate shine's blog...

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The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage.

Others call it MU or mutualunderstanding.

Pseudo- relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Pseudo-girlfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite.

It is aphase where the persons involved are more than friends, but notquite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala.

One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible dinghindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you.

Walangpormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sakilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kindof "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons.It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and youwant to be with each other but you broke up for a reason.

And forreasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. Itcan also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayongnakikiramdam.

Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag- seryosokaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindipuwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo may ka- relasyon na. Kayahabang hindi pa siya nakikipag- break doon sa boy/girl (sabi niyamakikipag- break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), walamuna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi"hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, canbe fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Perohuwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi walatalagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle saganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung maypatutunguhan? Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon munasa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a seriousrelationship, they would think that pseudo- relationship is betterthan no relationship at all.

It would be fun, if all you are after for isthat "kilig" feeling. But then I learned that although it was only apseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in thiskind of set up, ang merong malulugi.. ung nainlove sa taong takenna. Una, you can't ask him/her to commit. Since it's not really arelationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner.

Anoba kayo? You will always be uncertain about your role in his/herlife. You can't expect him/her to be always there with you. And ifyou feel jealous of the other boys/girls, you just have to keep it toyourself.

Ano ka ba niya para magselos? Pangalawa, what if youfall deeply in love with him/her? You can't be sure if he/she feels thesame way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even ifyou are dying to tell him/her you love him/her, you can't.

Becauseyou're not sure if he/she will like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. Thisstage will always make you wonder where you are in therelationship. Or if there is a relationship at all. Pangatlo, what if youbecome attached too much? What if you have invested all youremotions and this man/woman hasn't? What if you remain faithful tohim/her, not entertaining other guys/gals, only to find out that he/sheis seeing other girls/boys?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or whenone of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in aserious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isangpseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sapseudo- relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"hindi "us."

........i just dont have an appetite......

2007-03-13T13:50:00.000+08:00

Recently,

one blockmate of mine told me that i really look sick and tired...

i dont wanna believe him..but when i took a glance at the mirror i realized

that i do look sick...

yea..i havent been eating right for days...errr weeks

love has got nothing to do with this if thats what ur thinking...

i just have no appetite...

i dont want to eat .... Idunno why

Yes, i have been craving for food but not the regular healthy food..but junks....

id rather not eat than eat junk food

that is so weird...

whats wrong with my body?!?!?!

~~~~~sleep is also my problem...
my insomnia might actually be back in my system..

i couldnt sleep...In effect i get to look sick and restless in class...

this is not a love problem ok?

hahahahaa

i would have to deal with this for...errrr...uhhh...3 weeks? or 4 weeks?

someone told me that i should get some sleep and take my vitamins...

thanks for the advice dude!

iinom nako ng enervon so i could get back to being myself again..

hehehe....

------------------------------------------------------------------

ok so i should get some sleep now...
and mgpapafacial ako later...

afternun..=)

i have changed....REALLY?!=)

2007-03-12T06:13:00.000+08:00

if you could turn back time to last year...

you would probably talk to a different carmina...

usual topics?

boys
school
frustrations
family
and girly things

i dont really go out ..... Im juz not that kind of girl..

-------------------------------------------------------

last saturday after a party of a cousin, we passed by santa ana church. I was there last year.

Passing there brought me to a lot of flashbacks last year....

I remembered that i made a wish...that was almost granted...

i seriously hoped that life was a lot less complicated like last year...

all you have to do is pass the exams then wellah! Youve graduated...

However, it is not as easy as before...

i have to maintain my scholarship and other stuffs...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

A was a bit timid and more naive last year....

good thing i changed

probably

You'd still hear me bragging about boys and stuffs.. But often times triptrip lng un

hahaha...

and i dont wanna get stressed with those things since IT MAKES ME UGLY...

-----------------------------

What is the difference with carmina now and carmina before?

Carmina uses "the mall" as the stress releiver..haha- i go there more than once a week...

i might actually be a compulsive shopper...hahaha..oh my god!

2. Last year, guys are my world....Today, i am their world..

KAPAL! Pero, i dont get fooled easily na...I learned to restrict my heart from falling hard for a guy... Yea, i fell for one..I didnt actually fall for him...I fell for who i thought he was...=)...So thats over... screw him..haaha

3. I spend as much time with my friends as possible

self explanatory....

4. I have more frustrations before than now

5. I control myself from saying something stupid...

to maintain good relationships...=)

6. Im not that timid anymore....

thats good right?

7 . I realized that guys are all the same

Nuff said....and im not a manhater....

so thats it...

and oh!

one more thing!...

this is mababaw pero I wear makeup na!..hahaha

-----------------------------------------------

whatever...

at this time i should probably take a bath and prepare for school...

but then here i am blogging...

i know that its out there theres gotta be something for my soul somewhere...=)

2007-03-04T17:09:00.000+08:00

Carmina is again alone and bored...

tssss

they all left me here..

parents and my sister went grocery shopping

bros playin outside with his frends...

me?

im staring blankly at the monitor

listening to akon's music..

im so nlove with him

haha

im back to my fantasy world..

haha

now smack that is playin at the background...

it makes me wanna dance..

kaso magmumukha akong baliw..
hehe

this is so weird coz im used to being alone dito sa bahay

ngaun...parang feeling ko gusto ko tlga umalis

i wanna buy sumthin

sumthin

maliban sa food

i think that ive become a compulsive shopper...

it makes happy pag bumili ako ng kahit anong thing

that is so weird..

so i always end up being broke..

tsss..

pano na kaya sa summer

wala akong money...huhu

mghahanap nlng ako ng summer job so i could sustain my material needs..

haha

material needs amp

what has happend to me?

d naman ako ganito ka gastasera before..

haha

i guess people change tlga...

hmmpp

---------------------------

last friday, tel and i bonded

haha

tambay kami sa bf ...

nakakaaliw

lalo na un laptop boys..

haha

juz kiddin

i shouldve left my number..

haha

yuck anlandi..im not that hopeless pare

went to ruins and bought dvd

i bought two pairs of earrings den..

ano ba?

e pretty eh..
hehe

then we went to imma..

feeling ko weekly andun ako
haha

we stalked our crush...

yuck stalker!!

angkyot e...yeeeeeee kilig moments

they were there ngpapractice??

and exhaling...sssssssssss weird

after nun dumeretso kami sa bahay

we watched music and lyrics that we bought sa ruins

the story was nice..

dun sa mga d pa nakakapanood u should watch it...=)

i liked the song sun..un way back into love..

ganda ng meaning...

try to download it

--------------------------------

so un lng...

im really bored..

haha

wla rin akong kaym today

everyones offlyn...

weird...

sige na..=)

2007-03-04T11:00:00.000+08:00

oh my

im so bored...

huhuhu

weekend di ako nakalabas ng bahay

feelingko ill go crazy...

di rin ako nakapasok sa mall this weekend

hahahaha

di bale next week babawi ako

haha

feb 28........

2007-03-01T08:54:00.000+08:00

yea..it was the last day of february...

february was a memorable month for me

dont ask me why...

LONG STORY

ohwell to cut the long story short...

i got my heart broken again...

hahahaha

ok? nuff said

yesterday, we had an industrial visit at shell pandacan...

the bus ride was fun

but when we got to the place..

dun sa may ngdidisscuss

naging sleepy ako..so boring...

tsssss

the group was divided into two batches sa mg tutour..

i was part of the second batch...

napagtripan nanaman ako nila elmer and youma..

hahaha

lagi naman eh...

then we had a talk about my bitterness kuno..

one blockmate told me that when it comes to love

you should be wise...

haha

di mo pwede reserve sarili mo..

haha

yea...

ur ryt...

thanks for the advice

next time gnun nako....

and he told me dapat dw mrunong magluto..

haha

ewn ko kung bkt..pero sige..next time i would have a list of requirements...

mghintay lng kau..haha..amp

anyway, change topic....

i wanna go out tommorrow!!!..

KRISTEL! are you readin this? tuloy ba tau bukas?

hahaha

dapat matuloy..nababagot ako dito..haha

2007-02-25T14:11:00.001+08:00

nye...

i just realized na ang ampalaya ko these past few days

duh!

im okay na

i have great friends

sarap magenjoy eh..haha

i shouldnt be bitter i should be sweet..haha sweet amp

i dont miss him..sabi nga ni sis miss ko lng presence nia..thats true

amboring nga naman kasi dito sa bahay

if boring edi deal with it..

haha

my advice to little girls:

take ur time...connected ba?

maghanap kau ng koneksyon papatayin ko kau pg hinde..

haha...

as for now...i would have to deal with my allergies

gago kasi haha

sige na may inuutos sakin si bos elmer,,haha

bbye

2007-02-23T00:31:00.001+08:00

Honestly,

im okay now...

really...

parang kanina lng bitter pako... pero ngaun okay nako

weird no

i just realized things..

hehe

pero kanina in class super depressed ako..

haha

thank you for making me laugh...=) it helped alot

hahaha

ang gago nio talaga

***do the cowboy dance..haha***
ang sama nio..
u know naman na i dont dance..haha..
cowboy dance lng kaya ko pipintasan nio pa..haha

after class...
umuwi ako with sis..ngcommute kmi

hehe
then we went to imma...
nakakamiss din pala dun

haha

then tumambay ako kila sis...

heart to heart talk....
then un..

haha

so im okay na..
pampering day ko tom..papafacial ako..haha

Carmina is back you biyotch!!=)

2007-02-22T08:19:00.000+08:00

parang ang bitter ko...

meron akong di inaamin sa sarili ko...

im hurt...

pero thats impossible..

im happy on the surface pero when im alone..

bigla ko nalang naiisip un...

tpos naluluha ako...

huhuhu im so emo..

im contradicting my previous post..

im not actually okay..

nuff said...

........

2007-02-20T23:03:00.000+08:00

i missed my blog...

so much

ive been very busy these days... School...blahblahs..other stuffs...

andami narin nangyari na i didnt expect na mangyayari..

some are really private so i wouldnt make kwento nalang...

sad ako ngaun...

my friends know the reason why...

im sooooo stupid..

talo nanaman ako

lagi naman e...

huhu

emo moments

i wept alone..hahaha amps...

basta nakakaiyak

dont ask me why coz i would not tell you naman kung bakit...

basta im so stuped,,,

*****hai i wanna shop para happy ako..kaso wala akong pera.. pano na un..libre nio nako?=)

i wanna travel...really

2007-01-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

so i got to see this site that generates a map wherein
it marks the country that youve been to....

it turns out that ive only been to 2% of the world..

create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

gosh..

98% more...hehe

stupidity can actually lead to loneliness

2006-12-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

....

really...based on experience...

im so stupid therefore i lost someone...
............hmmmmmmmmmmm

do you agree or not?

=)

most people are so rude

2006-12-21T12:35:00.000+08:00

i started to realize this when i watched the tyra show....

that episode when they used beautiful twins for a social experiment (if you have watched this, say i)

the other twin was pretty and the other one was made up into a not so pretty girl...

if you would compare the treatment of the two, you would see na mas maganda yung

treatment nila sa pretty twin...

that was just so rude and so unfair...

same thing happens in the philippines...

in some places, if youre prettier they give you better treatment...

if not, magtataray sila

ive heard so many stories about this...

its just so sad na we are like this..(d naman ako ngmamalinis..alam ko na ganyan din ako minsan)

so naisip ko lang...

tu me manques tellement

2006-12-20T07:06:00.000+08:00

Je t'aime plus que tout ce que tu peux imaginer, tu es aussi devenu plus qu'un
ami pour moi, tu me manques tellement. Tu as une place toute particulière dans
mon coeur. Merci de m'avoir fait une place dans ta vie

oh well.. it for you to translate...

i feel so banal...really

2006-12-18T06:54:00.000+08:00

hahahaha...
i feel so banal...

wanna know why?
i was part of the offerers kanina sa mass
nahila nga lng ako ng mom ni steph...
hehehehe

it was my first time kasi kaya im acting like a little child...
happyhappy...

hai nko
i wanna go out
kaso im broke...
d pa binibgy skn un money ko...
huhuhu

so updates?
ive been stucked in this house for almost 3 days na
prince help me!!!
ahahahaha
kung cno man prince un
ive been busy downloading torrents and watching it...
duh
im so bored tlga

however, i had enough sleep na
that means zits are almost gone
bubye zits!!
but then marks will remain on my face for a long time so mukhang may zit parin ako
badtrip...

ohwell thats part of college life...
with all the stress ive been through
syempre mgkakazits ako...
super vain...
ahhahaha
its normal for girls to be vain no...

sige na
i feel so sleepy...

i slept at 1am and woke up at 3am
irregular na sleep ko...
eheehhehehe

byee

i tripped....so predictable

2006-12-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

hahahaha
youve read it right...
i tripped again
this time sa stairs ng sfc
badtrip
that was so embarrassing
buti nalang si aiza tsaka si elmer lang nakakita......

kahit na
nakakahiya parin
tapos when i tripped
sabi ko
"ay yung katabi ko!"
ahahahahha
san ba galing un...

ohwell
so our exams are over
ahahahah
wish me luck........
lcc people...sana tamarin kau pg chineckan nio un paper ko....
gawin nio nang A or B.
pwede na....ahahahah

i dunno what im goin to do this break
maybe ill ask friends to go out wid me ...
dpt turuan din nila ako mgcommute..hehehe

so i started misa de gallo kanina
first timer ako....
i was hoping to finsh the nine masses...
gusto ko lng..hehehehe

tinatamad nko mgblog..........
ai!!
i saw a really nice dress in bf....sa presidents ave...the botique there..i wanna buy that ahahahaha...kaso i dunno kung mgkano... sigurop next week pupunta ako to check if mgkano...i really wanna buy that dress... i looks good with my pumps..hahahaha ang kikay

sige na!!!
bye
happy term break!!

im back!!

2006-12-01T17:47:00.000+08:00

so............
its been weeks er months since i last posted a blog...

ive been very busy
and my keyboards busted...
good thing my mom realized yesterday that our keyboard is busted and bought a new one!!
yeah!!

this week was super...lemme think of the right word---
useless??
classes for thursday and friday were cancelled and i had to stay home...
kasi naman i never did my MNE homeworks...
ilan ba yun....about 6?
so the thing is, i had to make those homeworks before the end of the term!!
speaking of end of the term, finals na in about 10 days...
kinakabahan ako
lalo na sa mga subjects na di ko magets...
ETI?
Import export?
ahahahaha'
pray for me that i wouldnt get a failing mark
i dont want to repeat a subject no
mahal mahal
25000? per subject...no thanks

so since tuesday, i have been downloading a tv show... the thing theyll show on abscbn..
ahahahha
the princess hours...
talk about obsession...
the story is good...
hahahaha
you should watch it
hahaahah
.......

sooooooooo
yesterday, i took a break from making the assignments and
mommy bought new keyboards...
buti naman
and nilibre nia ko mgpafacial
im so happy....
at list medyo malinis na mukha ko
u should go there
ganda nila mgfacial
the name is "Ageless center"
sa festival mall
ahahahaha

ok sooooooooooo
ill continue na making my mne homework
nasa second to the last na ko
yes!!

oki bye!!=)

Ang Mangkukulam juan ekis

2006-10-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

++++ i like the story...written by JUAN EKIS who also wrote 20 questions

Ang Mangkukulam
Walang sinuman sa amin ang nagkamaling sumubok na tumingin sa mga mata niya... kahit isang saglit lang. Sa lahat ng pagkakataon na makakausap namin siya, na bihira naman, iniiwasan naming tumingin sa mga mata niya. Kung palarin kaming makausap siya, sa ibang bahagi ng mukha niya kami tumitingin. Sa labi, sa ilong, sa noo, sa pisngi. Pagkakamali mo ang tumingin sa mata.

Mabibilang sa daliri ng kamay mo ang mga nagtangkang tumingin. Ang iba’y panakaw, ang iba’y habang kausap. Lahat sila’y iisa ang kinahinatnan—nawawala sa sarili, nabaliw, nilayasan ng katinuan. Ngunit ang lahat ng ito ay mga kwento pa lamang—mga sabi-sabi, haka-haka. May nakapagsabing anim sa mga binatilyong bigla na lang nawala sa sarili ang biktima ng sumpa ng kanyang mata.

Nariyan si Roni, barkada ko, na-admit sa mental last sem. Catatonic na raw sabi ng nanay—hindi nila matukoy ang dahilan. Si Christian, ang presidente ng student council, bigla na lang hindi pumasok. May balita raw na parating kinakausap ni Christian ang sarili. Si Lloyd, nagsasalita ng German sa Philo class namin. Nadismiss. Pati teacher, nabiktima. Si Dr. Alcantara, ang teacher namin sa Bio, pinagresign na ng Dean. Bigla na lang kasi itong kumakanta ng kanta ni April Boy sa gitna ng lecture niya. Nahuli ito minsan ni Dean na kumakanta ng “Ikaw Pa Rin” sa gitna ng lecture niya tunkol sa DNA. At ang pinakamatindi, si Yorrick na Captain ball ng varsity—ayaw nang pumasok dahil sa paranoia. Pakiramdam niya, parating may gustong pumatay sa kanya. Pinadala ng tatay sa rehab dahil napagkamalang nagdodroga. Ilan lang sila. Ilan lang sa mga naunang nagtangkang pumorma o manligaw. Ilan lang sa mga nagtangkang tumingin sa malalalim niyang mga mata. Lahat sila nabaliw.

Ngunit walang nakapagpatunay na siya nga ang dahilan ng mga nangyari. Walang makapagbigay ng pruweba na may sumpa nga ang mga mata niya. Gayunpaman, kahit mga haka lang ang mga ito, wala na sa aking mga kaibigan ang sumusubok na makipagtitigan sa kanya. Dahil wala pa, kahit isa sa mga nagtangka, ang nakaligtas mula sa sumpa ng kanyang mga mata.

Isa ako sa mga nagtangka.

Nakilala ko si Ana sa gala night ng huling play na ginawa ko sa University. Pagkatapos ng curtain call, sa gitna ng mga congratulations, yakapan, at sigawan, sa gitna ng mga nag-iiyakang cast members, nakita ko siyang papalapit sa akin.

Alam ko na agad ang unang dapat kong gawin. Kailangan kong umiwas ng tingin. Ngunit hindi na maiiwasan ang pagtatagpong ito. Lumapit siya sa akin para i-congratulate ako. Agad kong ipinako ang mga tingin ko sa kanyang nakapagtutulalang ngiti.

“I loved it. It’s probably the darkest play I ever saw...”

“I’m taking that as a compliment.”

“I meant it to be. By the way, my name’s Ana.”

“I know...”

Hindi ko alam kung ano itong pinapasok ko. Nakita ko ang ilan sa mga cast and crew ko na natigilan, napatingin sa direksiyon namin ni Ana. Parang sinasabing: “Huwag kang titingin sa mata, Huwag sa mata!”

“It’s nice meeting you. Iwan na kita. I don’t want to steal you from your company.”

Pero noong sandaling iyon, hindi ako takot mabaliw. May kakaibang misteryo ang bumabalot sa katauhan ni Ana. May kakaibang panghatak, kakaibang balani. May humihila sa aking manatili sa tabi niya kahit na alam kong kabaliwan ang gawin iyon.

“If you’re not busy tonight, we’re having our cast party at my place...you might wanna join us...you know...for booze and stuff...”

Ginantihan niya ako ng ngiti. “I’d love that.”

Sa New York lumaki si Ana. Bumalik siya dito sa Pilipinas dahil may kinailangang asikasuhin ang kanyang Nanay. Dito niya tinapos ang kalahati ng kanyang high school at dito na rin niya balak tapusin ang kanyang kolehiyo. Bunso siya sa tatlong magkakapatid. Senior Manager ang ate niya sa isang kilalang bangko sa Makati samantalang ang kuya niya, o kuyang-ate, ay nasa kung saang sulok ng Malate, tumutugtog ng gitara sa gabi, ibang instrumento naman sa madaling-araw.

Si Ana ang paborito ng kanyang ina na gabi-gabi niyang kasama maliban lang ng gabing iyon. Maliit pa si Ana nang namatay ang tatay niya. Binaril ang tatay ni Ana sa harapan niya. Nagmamaneho noon ang tatay, katabi siya sa harap. Red light—huminto ang kotse sa isang intersection, nang bigla na lang, may isang lalaking naka-shades ang tumapat sa bintana ng kanyang tatay, tinutukan ng baril sa ulo, at pinaputok. Hindi niya maalala ang naramdaman niya noon. Bata pa siya masyado para maalala. Hindi rin niya naintindihan kung ano ang nangyari. Pero hindi niya kailanman malilimutan ang mukha ng lalaking bumaril sa kanyang ama.

Malayo ang narating ng kwentuhan namin. Mula sa pamilya, eskwela, mga hilig, bisyo, barkada, hanggang lolo’t lola. Humanities pala ang kinukuha niya, major in literature kaya sobrang interesado siya sa mga writers ng school. Matagal na pala niyang sinusubaybayan ang mga sinusulat ko.

“This is your most angst-ridden play.”

“Hindi naman talaga ako angst-ridden. Maloko lang talaga akong magsulat.”

“So are you working on any new plays?"

Habang lumalalim nang lumalalim ang aming pag-uusap, lumalalim na rin ang tama namin. Marami kaming natutunan tungkol sa isa’t isa, marami na rin kaming alkohol sa katawan.

“Labas tayo,” aya ko.

Iniwan namin ang tropa sa bahay. Kalahati sa kanila’y lasing na, may ilang sabog sa tsongki, at nakita ko na ring lumabas ng kuwarto ko ang lead actor at actress ng play ko.

Binaybay namin ang malamig na kalsada na iniilawan ng malamlam na titig ng buwan.

Hindi ako makapaniwala, na kasama ko ngayong gabi ang pinakamaganda, pinaka-seksi, pinakamaputi, pinakamakinis, pinaka-“M”—lahat na ng “M”—mabango, mapulang labi, misteryosa, mahabang buhok, mayaman, mabait, malusog at malaman... Ang pantasya ng bayan, ang pinakapatok, ang pinakamabenta sa market, ang pinakaaabangan sa takilya, ang cover girl at centerfold ng school organ, ang dream kepyas ng mga seniors, ang di-mahawak-hawakan, di matitig-titigan.

Pero hanggang pantasya lang kaming lahat. Hanggang isip lang. Dahil sa takot sa sumpa. Pero ngayon, kasama ko siya, naglalakad kami, nagkukwentuhan, nagpapalitan ng mga sama ng loob, ng mga pangarap, ng mga buntong-hininga, ng katahimikan. Minsan, mas malalim ang makipagpalitan ng katahimikan kaysa ng mga karanasan.

Medyo hilo na kami pero nakapako pa rin sa isip ko ang isang bagay: “Huwag kang titingin sa mata, huwag sa mata.”

“Are you scared of me?” Bigla niyang tanong.

Hindi ko inasahan ang tanong na iyon. Pareho na kaming medyo nahihilo. Kumapit siya sa braso ko at inihiga ang ulo sa aking balikat.

“Is it true?” Tanong ko.

Ginantihan lang niya ako ng ngiti. Hindi ko man tukuyin, alam niya kung ano ang tinatanong ko.

“What do you think?”

“Tingin ko, totoo.”

Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng pumasok sa kukote ko. Nasobrahan na siguro ako sa alkohol. Hinawakan ko ang mukha niya, nakapako pa rin ang mga mata ko sa kanyang labi. Dahan-dahang dumampi ang init ng aking labi sa kanyang labi habang hinahawi ng aking dila ang kurtina ng kanyang pag-aalinlangan. At sa loob ng isang mahabang sandali, nalunod kami sa dilim ng sandaling pagkurap ng buwan. Naghiwalay ang aming mga labi, at wala nang gustong dapuan ang aking mga mata kundi ang kanyang tingin. Noong gabing iyon, naligaw ang aking ulirat sa lalim ng kanyang mga mata.

***

Iyon ang huli naming pagkikita bago siya umalis.

Hindi na muli ako nakarinig mula noon galing sa kanya. Hindi ko na siya nakita sa campus. Nabalitaan ko na lang sa isa niyang kaibigan na bumalik na siyang New York. Tapos na siguro ang inaasikaso ng kanyang Nanay. Umalis siyang walang paalam, nang hindi tinatapos ang kanyang mga sinimulan.

Hindi ko alam kung dapat kong ikatuwa ang pananatili ng aking katinuan matapos ang gabing iyon. Hindi ko alam kung napatunayan kong sabi-sabi lang ang sumpa tungkol sa kanyang mga mata o nakaligtas ako mula rito. Nakaligtas nga ba ako? O hinayaang makaligtas? Pero minsan naiisip ko na mas mabuti na lang ang mabaliw. Minsan, sinasabi ko sa sarili, na mabuti pa’ng wala ka sa sarili kaysa malaman mo kung ano ang hindi mo naangkin—ang hindi mo na maangkin.

Hindi ko na ulit nahanap ang labing iyon. Iyon ang halik na kung saan ihahambing ko ang lahat ng mga halik na aking naangkin, at matatanto kong wala ni isa sa kanila ang makatatapat dito.

Sinubukan kong hanapin kay Shiela, ang naging lead actress ng sumunod kong dula—ang una kong dula sa labas ng pamantasan. Commercial model si Shiela pero gusto niyang matutong umarte kaya siya sumali sa acting workshop ni binibigay ko pag summer. Hindi siya talaga marunong umarte. Pero nang makita ko siya, sabi ko sa sarili na kaya ko siyang paartehin. Walang taong walang talent. Kahit hindi ka marunong umarte, kaya kitang paartehin. Lalo na ang isang commercial model na katulad ni Shiela.

Hindi talaga makuha sa kahit na ano’ng workshop si Shiela. Hindi siya uubra sa entablado. Gusto ko mang kunin siyang bida ng dula ko dahil siya ang hitsurang hinahanap ko, kahit sinong walang alam sa teatro ang magsasabing gago ang direktor kapag ipinagpilitan siyang maging artista.

Alam ito ni Shiela. Dumating ang auditions. Alam niyang di niya ako madadaan sa santong dasalan, kaya dinaan niya ako sa santong paspasan. Sa mas malambot na entablado siya nag-audition sa akin. Papasa na. Marami pala siyang “theater” experience.

Bago ako bumangon sa kama, hinalikan ko si Shiela, hinahanap ko ang labi ni Ana. At tumitig ako sa kanyang mga mata, hinihintay na maligaw ang aking ulirat.

Iyon na ang huling paglabas ni Shiela sa entablado.

Sinubukan kong hanapin kay Mary Ann. Si Mary Ann ang teacher ko sa integral calculus. Typical grade A nerd pero kung tatanggalan mo ng salamin at ilulugay mo ang buhok, pwede na. Parang sa commercial ng Pop: “Siya ‘yon!”

Nabasa ko sa kung saan na ang mga matatalinong tao raw ang mga pinakasenswal. Base raw ito sa konsepto ng tabula rasa—“nothing is in the intellect without passing through the senses.” Kung gayon, mas matalino ka, mas marami ang dumaan sa iyong mga pandama, kaya mas senswal ka.

Tama nga naman. Itong si Mary Ann, kung gaano ka-academic sa klase, ganoon ka-wild sa kama. Kung anu-ano ang pinagagawa sa akin. Memoryado yata ang kamasutra (academic nga!). Pati yata lahat ng mga ritwal ng mga pagano nagawa na namin, at tipong nagresearch pa siyang mabuti dahil habang naghihintay siya ng orgasm, naglelecture siya tungkol sa historical at social contexts ng mga ritwal na ito.

Pero nang hindi ko nahanap sa kanya ang labi ni Ana, at ang lalim ng kanyang mga mata, hindi na ako ulit pumasok sa calculus. Pagkatapos ng sem, bagsak ako, overcut. Kinailangan kong i-retake ang subject sa ibang teacher—si Mrs. Tigershark, isang dambuhalang terror na di ko maintindihan kung bakit naging misis. Eto, kahit anong talino nitong babaeng ito, hindi ako maniniwalang senswal siya.

Kung saan-saan ko hinanap si Ana: Kay Daisy—yung waitress na may dalawa nang anak at naghahanap ng mayamang foreigner na magdadala sa kanya sa ibang bansa; kay Jeli, yung dancer na sinasayawan muna ako bago kami mag-sex; si Denise—yung account executuve ng isang agency na sobrang tahimik sa kama, takot na marinig ng kahit na sino, pakiramdam niya parati’y may nanonood sa kanya; si Maia—yung TV producer ng isang di-kilalang TV show na hindi makaraos kung hindi kumakain ng pizza habang nakikipagtalik; si Marie na ayaw patira sa kepyas at pagkatapos ng tatlong linggong pagtitiyaga ko sa pwet ay nalaman kong lalaki pala (putangina!); at si Alex—ang CEO ng ad agency na pinagtatrabahuhan ko, na FF (Fucking Friend) ko at ka-OPM (On pag magkasama).

Kay Alina siguro ako pinakamatagal na naghanap. Nakilala ko siya sa kiddie birthday party ng pamangkin ko. Siya ang naghost ng mga games. Simpleng babae lang si Alina. Hindi siya matalino pero masipag. Nagtatrabaho siya sa Jollibee pag umaga at nag-aaral sa hapon at gabi—paunti-unting units, makatapos lang. Accounting ang kinukuha niya.

Halos dalawang taon din kaming magkasama ni Alina. Marami akong natutunan sa kanya, at masasabi kong malalim rin ang pinagsamahan naming dalawa. Naging matalik kaming magkaibigan. Naramdaman ko sa kanya na kailangan niya ako, at mas naging malinaw sa akin ang pagkakaroon ng silbi, ang pakiramdam ng may nangangailangan sa iyo, ang pakiramdam na ang mga braso ng isang lalaki’y hinulma ng Diyos sa balikat ng babae. Tinulungan ko siya sa kanyang pag-aaral. Kahit mahina ako sa Math, nagtiyaga akong aralin ito para magapang niya ang kanyang diploma.

Nagtatrabaho na ako noon bilang creative director sa isang advertising agency nang grumaduate si Alina. Sa graduation party niya, niyaya ko siyang magpakasal.

Akala ko’y tuluyan ko nang malilimutan si Ana. Pero habang lumalayo ang alaala niya, lalong lumilinaw sa akin ang hindi ko naangkin. Nanunuot sa balat ko, tumatagos sa bungo, kinakain ang utak ko. Parang obsesyon, habang pinipilit makalimutan ay lalong naaalala, habang nilalabanan ay lalong nagwawagi.

Namatay si Alina isang linggo bago ang aming kasal. Isang gabing pauwi siya galing sa trabaho sa bangko, hinarang siya ng mga adik sa isang eskinita, pinagsamantalahan...pinatay.

Isang buwan akong wala sa sarili. Gabi-gabing nagluluksa karamay si San Miguel. Nag-aaliw sa mga ilaw na patay sindi, at sa mga balakang na gumigiling. Kilala ko na ang aking sarili. Hindi madali para sa akin ang lumimot. Kaya hindi ko inaaliw ang aking sarili para makalimot. Inaaliw ko ang aking sarili para lumikha ng mga bagong alaala sa pag-asang makalikha ako ng alaalang higit pa sa alaala ng gabi ng huli naming pagkikita ni Ana.

Dapat ay nagluluksa ako sa pagkamatay ni Alina. Pero ibang bagay pa rin ang pinagluluksaan ko...hanggang ngayon.

***

Ilang taon na nga ba? Lima? Anim? Hindi ko na matandaan. Natututunan ko na ang lumimot.

Pero kung kailan ko natututunang makalimutan ang lahat, bigla siyang dumating.

Iyon ang huli naming pagkikita.

Natagpuan ko siyang nakaupo sa isang coffee shop, mukhang may hinihintay. Wala siya pinagbago kundi mas maganda siya. Hindi ako magkakamaling siya iyon. Naroon ang panghatak na naramdaman ko noong una niya akong nilapitan. Para akong compass, wala nang ibang pupuntahan ang mga paa ko kundi ang North...siya.

“Ana?”

Nagulat siya. At ginantihan niya ako ng ngiting tulad ng ibinabato niya sa akin dati. Hindi siya tumanda. At lalong mapusyaw ang pula ng kanyang mga labi. Naka-shades siya, parang nangungutya, ayaw ipakita ang misteryong bumihag sa akin sa loob ng ilang taon.

Hindi kami pareho makapagsalita. Kahit kamustahan. Sapat na ang palitan namin ng katahimikan. Mas nakabubusog ang katahimikan sa mga sandaling ganito kaysa sa magkwentuhan.

“Kailan ka pa bumalik?”

“Just two days ago.”

“Sino’ng kasama mo?”

Bumukas ang pinto ng coffee shop at pumasok ang isang apat na taong gulang na batang babae kasama ang yaya nito. Sinenyasan ni Ana ang yaya na maupo sa lamesa sa kabila.

“My daughter.”

Mahabang katahimikan.

Sa ganitong paghahanap, hinahanap ko bang talaga ang daan palabas, o ang karanasan lang ng pagiging ligaw?

“I just wanted to say hi. I really have to go. It’s nice to see you again, Ana.”

Ginantihan lang niya ako ng ngiti.

“You still haven’t answered my question before.”

“Which one?”

“Is it true? Na lahat ng lalaking tumitig sa mata mo ay nababaliw?”

“Yes”

Tinanggal niya ang kanyang shades. At muli, ipinamalas niya sa akin ang malalim na daigdig ng kanyang mga mata kung saan naligaw ang aking ulirat. Matagal. Pero sandali lang. Sa isang tingin—parang nagkasya ang ilang taon kong paghahanap sa liwanag ng kanyang mga mata.

“Goodbye Ana.”

Ngiti.

Lumabas ako ng coffee shop. Dire-diretso ang lakad ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako papunta. Hinahanap ko sa tinabunan kong alaala ang gabing bago siya umalis. Ang init ng labi niya. Ang ulirat kong naglalaro’t naliligaw sa kristal na uniberso ng kanyang mga mata. Ang kanyang pag-aalinlangan na hinawi ng aking dila. Ang gabi ng aking pangangahas na danasin ang sumpa. Ngunit wala akong mahanap. Wala.

Dumiretso ako sa kwarto ko at binuksan ang drawer ng tukador. Inilabas ko ang aking revolver. Hindi ko alam dati kung bakit ko ito binili. Ngayon, alam ko na.

Dati, hindi pinapayagan ng simbahan na bigyan ng Katolikong libing ang mga nagpakamatay. Pero iniba na ito ngayon. Sabi nila, hindi daw natin alam ang nangyayari sa kaluluwa ng mga nagpakamatay. Maaaring humingi sila ng tawad sa Diyos sa huling sandali. Maaari din namang wala sila talagang kasalanan dahil wala sila sa sarili. Mga baliw lang daw ang bumabawi ng sarili nilang buhay. Mga baliw lang daw ang nagpapakamatay.

sometimes i feel like....

2006-10-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel like....

my face is so makapal and that gets me what i want>>>in a bad way

(in general)

............uhHh this is really embarrassing...no really it is... well at times i use this "trait" to get what i want..and i think that it gives people a bad impression about me..but who cares of what other people think? Me

i am so loud that it distracts other people

...........true enough....lemme tel you a story...there was this one time at select..i saw my prof and started to talk unstoppably all of the sudden someone reacted and shouted "ang ingay!!" and i stopped talking... i dunno why i have become this way...this is what college has done to me...being so loud and kikay was never the "high school" carmina.. really.. i was the timid girl blabla....well this is were i could say that people change....

"you dont expect people youve met in high school will be the same
ten months after you last seen them...stupid..."

im bad coz i curse....A LOT!!

..........when you say that cursing is really bad... ha!!! you have not heard me curse yet...i cuss like that word is part of my normal vocabulary that is accepted in public....An example.. "putangina ang gago ni _____ amputa">>>see is it acceptable someplace???no!!!

.........but then....cursing is still part of me...you can never change that...

i may have hurt(ed??) a couple of people because im kinda prangka...

..........yea im pranka....NOT IN A GOOD WAY.... at times words just slip out of my mouth and yea...may mga nsaktan ako...im trying to change that...

im a clown coz im clumsy

...........nuff said....

so you have just witnessed carmina pouring out bad vibes...hahahaha

skul

2006-10-12T11:14:00.000+08:00

im using eula's laptop...
waiting for my marketing class mamayang 11:45
what time is it? 11:10 am
hahahah
early bird...
i missed blogging like this..ung walang istorbo..
sira kasi un keyboard at home..
and i missed my blog so much
ive been very busy

I just cant beleive that second term is hard...

sobra hahaha...
hirap talaga
busy na
daming presentations
aside from that im having a lot of zits
(sabi ni eula i miss first term)
im stressed
im aving a hard time..hahahaha
i need help!!!
sige na tulungan nio ko
andami ko giagawa
siguro di naman tama na nagrereklamo ako

!!I should face the music!!
agree?

hai nako walang signal dito ...

sige na...=)

Trip once trip twice trip thrice....hahahahha

2006-10-07T22:28:00.000+08:00

okay...
hahahaha
so i thought that this day would be as normal as usual...
however...
somethin happened that "made a difference"

I tripped...not once BUT 3 TIMES...

i kno wut ur thinkin...
its embarrassin...

lemme tell you the stories behind those "trips"

1st trip:
---aiza and i went jollibee to eat...
---a couple of minutes later...we went back to sfc
---i was talkin 2 her and all of the sudden....i tripped!!!
no one would have notice if i didfnt shout...
stupid me
but thern someone helped me... tnx NSTP Boy and ate guard!!

akala ko that was the end

hahahahah

2nd trip:
---i was with aiza (again) seychelle and karen
---i was talkin to them and wapak!! i tripped nanaman!!!!
nakita nanaman ni ate guard..puta hiyan hiya nako...

aun...

nanood kami ng olympiad...
nanalo ako ng 500
hahahaha

3rd trip:
--tapos na un olympiad
--time to go home..
--pababa na kami ng stairs..
--with aiza..and gemboy
--nahulog ako sa stairs...
2 steps...

malas ko!!!

dengue at my high school

2006-09-09T21:39:00.000+08:00

yesterday
was yet another boring day of my life
i was just at home and watching
avoiding to eat food
haahaha

and then i watched the news
i saw my high school
and those mamas who were fumigating the campus
......

tpos
sbi
there was a grade two student who died from dengue
and taga dun xa

last year
i had dengue
and my mom though na the dengue lamok was from my school
dahil sa mga basura

yeah
my school was kinda dirty because of the recyclable things hanging around sa tabi tabi
kasi they have thought na
"may pera sa basura"
so aun
sa class ko last year, there were some of us who had dengue...
i, the girl who had very low resistance had it too
what a pity
that is why i flunked my dlsu exams
kasi i was not feeling well that time...

it was a sunday, the next day(monday)
i went to the bathroom and hinimatay ako
i knew then and there na there is something wrong about me

a few hours later, my mom made me eat and i could say na near death experience na un kasi ngblack out na talaga
but i could still hear ...

grbe i was so scared

ao kinahapunan we went tothe doctor and the doctor said na it could possibly be dengue fever
i was confined for like 5 days
sa asian

and my mom got really mad na and she called my school
she talked to the vice principal and said that the school was responsile for my sickness
but then they denied it by saying na they were having occassional fumigations sa school...
my mom was not satisfied

the next monday, i went to school na
it was a monday so there was an assembly
that person told the whole assemble na no one should spread rumors about the school
kasi daw ang sakit ko d daw dengue..tonsilitis daw..
i was lik "huh?"
hahahaha
fuck that

so aun
a young girl died because of the lamoks pestering my high school
hmmm
rest in peace littile girl....

2006-09-09T21:17:00.000+08:00

hahahaha

well

im back... i missed blogging so much that i turned on the computer and started typing this....
hahaha

so im having a term break right now and...um
its boring kasi i spent all my money sa isang pumps lang...
but its really pretty talaga..

but then...
my mommy is so nice na binilhan nia ko ng damit sa limited
hahahaha
.....

uhmm

pero overall
boring talaga term break ko

except nalang when im at the mall...
i love the mall
duh

and when kristel hung out dito sa bahay
i missed her loads

chaka nga pala
im on a diet na
i dunno
if im losing weight...
oh god i hope so

after all the deprivation ive been through this week?
hahaha
pero ill continue this until i become underweight
im serious..

serious talaga..
eversince i lost weight talaga ive
become super conscious
im occassionally bulimic...

hahaahaa
gago totoo un
u know when i feel like ive
ate so much, i would usually go to the bathroom to purge what i ate...
disgusting
and while im doing this, i pray...
hahahhaa
weird
ngsosorry ako
pero totoo talaga

so aun enough of my eating disorder
hahaha
nakakahiya

ok
ahahaha
bye

missed u loads

nicenice...read this

2006-09-03T10:00:00.000+08:00

Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)
Mary SchmichChicago Tribune
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97... wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are NOT as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.

o fak!! tpos na first term!!

2006-09-03T09:10:00.000+08:00

ok so
hmmmm
tpos na 1st term
sya
2wiks of extrme rest
hai
buti nmn
hahahaha
sna may a ako
or mgdeans list nren
hahahaha
dream on bitch!!
i juz wanna maintain my scholarship
it wud be a failure pg nwala un

2006-08-22T13:50:00.000+08:00

hmmmm
im at school
im actually bored...
kasi everyones havin a mock test
e ako tpos na
sumuko nako
hahahah
kasi i wasnt able to review those stuff so im stuck here waiting fo the others to finish...

this mornin,
went to school almost late
we almost got hit by a basura truck
pero buti nlng ndi
hahahaha
mom went so ballistic
and she kept on hitting me
hahahah
basta we fought
i kept on shouting and she did too
hahahahaha
kasi naman i was so badtripped
kasi we got out iof the house at 8am
e ang class ko 8 am
hai
i hate being late...
i just got really frustrated
then
i had my english class
the ususal
hahaha
but this time we discussed the project proposal...
hai
hahaha i got a nice grade
93.5 hahaha
a grade that i should be proud of
gago!
kasi nmm i got really pressured
tpos all the ideas
o at list i got i high grade...

then
we ate ate the caf
we hung out the usual i studied and stuff
hai
College life is freakin hard!!!
hahahaha
hai nako
im feelin really pressured
di bale
next wik exams ko na
di bale
its just one hell of a week
o diba...

Sked of exams!!

Aug 29, 2006- MARKETING, ACU ROOM
English For Business, MPH POOM

Aug 30, 2006- ACCOUNTING, MPH ROOM(oh GOD HELP ME)

Aug 31, 2006- MIS, MPH ROOM

Sept 2, 2006- BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, MPH ROOM (oh shit isa pa!!)
BUSINESS MATH, ACU ROOM

as you can see the 2 most hardest subjects are scheduked on the same day....
o fak!!!

hahahaha
breaktime na!!!

dto lng nmn ako
bye!!

2006-08-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

i'm not havin a great night...

ive been makin my project preoposal and i dunno if im doing this just right
and i actually feel so sleepy na
bd3p
i wanna finish this na
=(

2006-08-15T12:45:00.000+08:00

hmmmm
so
im feelin so pressured...
it doesnt show, but i really feel pressured...
i got to imed tel kagbe and told her that i fell pressured and relly nervous that i might
lose my scholarship..
she told me na kaya ko daw un
and i should not lose hope
losing my scholarship means dissappointing my parents
hahaha
and making myself sad....
hahaha
diba
ive adjusted na here...and then..dont even wanna think about that...
hahahaha
im actually havin my mis class and im starting to get really interested...
duh!!
exm na
hahaha
duh,,
ok so ill listen to sir nlng ulet kasi kailangan ko pumasa...
duh
ai teka...
here are my coursework grades...

Math:C
Business Administration:C
Accounting: B
Management Information Systems: B
Marketing: A

o diba...
my average grade is 64..just ryt kasi my maintaining ata is 61..
sna gnyn dn ako sa finals...
hehehehe
i really wanna be part of the deanslist
kasi wla lng...
hmmm...
cge makikinig nko kay sir tanos..
=)

2006-08-13T12:15:00.000+08:00

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."

these past few weeks were the most memorable weeks of my life...
hahahaa
sounds cheezy but yes... it was really memorable...

to start off, we had our aqcuaintance party last 08/05/06..hahaha
still remember(duh..im not that old!)
it was a lot of fun...
unlimited beer...
duh!!
it spells F-U-N
hahahaha
i got to hang out with my friends and get drunk?!?!
joke...
so aun twas really memorable and i would never regret going to that party though i got a lil drunk..

photos are here!!!
http://www.chubbhi.multiply.com

and then tuesday we went to kubo and hung out...
hahaha
it ws also fun hahaha
so aun
controlcontrol...
u kno wt i mean
bitches!!

and then wednesday, i went to my old highschool
imma
funny pero i missed imma unlike others
d ko alm kung bkt...
basta
then i saw my high school crush
shit 4th yr plng xa
hahha

dnt care..
wla na un
its just admiration
ahahaha
ambitch!!

then
friday, i got to hang out with my mommy
hahaha
i missed hanging out with her
ung hangout na walang away
hahaha
kasi we often fight
lgi naman ata gnun pg mgina e
she treated me sa almon marina..yum!!!
pangdiet ung fud
hahaha

saturday
we had make up classes
after that i got to meet up with my friend tel!
i missed her so much!! hahaha kasi naman e dmi kme kwentos
we hung out sa house ni chleyr coz its her birthday!

HAppy Birthday Claire Denise Ramos!!(belated...i guess)

hahaha
and then i got to hang out with my batchmates...
told you i miss people from imma
hahahah
basta it was fun and i managed to avoid beer...
ble!!
d ko habit un no!!!
hahahaha

now, ive bin makin my management assignment

mamaya mgaaral ako sa acctng...
hahaha
bye <3
hahaha

2006-07-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

yo...
it was a long time since i last typed on my blog..hahaha

juz a recap of my week

monday:
classes were suspended
got myself a me time...meaning pampering
went to sm bicutan and had an argument with mom..hahah
juz a petty thing
started my diet

tuesday
classes were a gain cancelled
went to sm southmall
searched for clothes but i wasnt able to buy
went to lets face it and had a facial
had another argument with mom

wednesday:
i didnt go to school
i had the "suspension of classes hangover"

thursday:
i only had one class
it was marketing
then i ate at the manx food was good

friday:
i went to school early for my service
i thought that i was joining the school search at dla
but then we were not
so dissappointing
but we went to charbroiled instead
with justin karen and gerard
we ate food and stuff
then went back to school and hung out
we spent r tym taking pics and making tambay
and laughing out loud
kasi we were the only ones sa lobby
then karen me and kat went to karen's dorm and brainstormed about our makeup sa satuday
its like everyones preparing for the acquaintance partey
we posed for the camera again and mom fetched me
sumabay si steph samin coz her dissmissal is at 5
so aun

saturday:
had make up class in management
it was fun
hahaha
great disscussion but i was dissapointed abt my midterm grade
it was 50% pasang awa
sir is really mababang mgbigy ng gred
so badtrip
but it was ok at least almost everyone juz got the same score as me..hahaha
after class we waited for the cradle meeting
then we ate at flaming wings with youma aiza karen dj and elmer
i ate mashed potato coz i was on a diet
i saw a really cute guy there
i think he was really looking at me
or was ha banlag??
basta hes really hot
we made pictyur2 again
hahaha
then went back they said that cradle meeting is cancelld
hai nako
and then i called mom tons of times but shes not anwering so i made tambay sa school again
i tried learning how to tambol the percussions but i cant seem to learn
hahaha
elmer said that theres a certain tono sa style ng pgtambol
the are 5 styles
hahaha
d ko parin magets
so i ended up leaning sa percussions nia
and making tambol it repeatedly
then mom came na
we went to ruins
she bought dvd
i was pissed coz stores are closed pa
so aun
hahaha
i had a long saturday
hahaha

sunday:
i stayed at home
did my accounting homework and i got it na
i watched the oc season 1
Thank you dj for lending me the dvd!!!=)
and then went to sm bicutan and bought ink for the printer

so aun
my weekend
fun
busy
hectic and tiring...
bay...hahaha

2006-07-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

oi...
hahaha
for two days we didnt have classes
coz of fuckn glenda
the strong bagyo
grbe
hai

so i guess that there would be ALOT of saturday classes
and things like that
hahaha
i started my diet
hahaha
fuck
had a new haircut
painted my nails wyt
had a facial

hahaha
pampering sa bakasyon...

2006-07-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

Yo...
Im back
Its been a while since I last typed my blog kasi naman sira ung keaboard ng kompyu
Fuck un sobra
Hai nako
Ive been making my management assignment and accounting report sa laptop ni dadi
And im actually typing this sa Microsoft word sa laptop ni dadi...again

***(how I wish na mgkalaptop dn ako)***

haahaha wish lng un
Mukng di naman mgkakatotoo
Dmi nangyari ngaung wik
I had fever
For a few hours nga lng
Take note: hours lang
So I wasn’t able to attend the cradle meeting kagabi and service thing...
Hai
I never thought that I would get sick
Pero bakit gnun
Ngkasakit nga ko di naman ako pumayat
Hahaha
Fuck un
Sobra...
I had new goals nga e...
Its juz actually “written” on my mind..
Hehehe
E2 xa
GOALS!!!
1. Lose weight in 4 months...approx 30lbs(anlaki nun)
2. Save money...mga 10taw...kaya ba??e starbucks palang ubos na pera ko e..
3. Maintain my scholarship
4. Avoid being so tactless para wala akong nasasaktan..hehehekasi theres this one time na nasa zion kami sabi ko ...bsta un na
5 .be a deans lister next term..sana..wag muna presidents mataas un mashado
6. take care of my face...dmi ko na zits.. fuck
7. study accounting..hahaha
and mis...hai nako
8. Avoid buying nonsense things
9. get at least a B sa final grade ko this term
10. serve the skul..duh scholarship
11. read more
12. practice making essays...take time to learn 1 new word a day hahaha,,,weird
13. read the newspaper
14. watch the news
15. type on my blog..hahah..love u blog
16. exercise more...ung ball and the weights..ok na un
17. avoid eating too much
18. Avoid starbucks =( hai...
□ Tignan nio kasi...It makes me fatter
□ Inuubos nia pera ko
□ Tumataba ako
□ Tumataba ako
□ Hahaha

*so these are my goals...
Ill keep you updated if me progress na ako sa goals ko....
Its realistic naman diba??
Hai nako
Basta
Ai nga pla...
Anu nga ba??
Forgot na

2006-07-19T19:31:00.000+08:00

la lng
i went to school
knina
kht wlng pasok
kasi a went servicin knina
(sira keyboard namin)
tnan nio...
un
...34 cv df... er sby sby lumals yn
so bak to my kwento

aun i went there 1 pm
then aun
its ereally tirin pota

taena nxt time na
sira na to er

random

2006-07-17T19:48:00.000+08:00

i had another day...
hahaha
duh
its a monday so its a new week
ive never expected to have a midterm exam...
hahaha
turns out na we have pala midterms in management...
akalain nio
fuck un
i was so surprised
and we got dissmissed super early..
hahaha
10 am lang
so we waited sa zion
and i ate food..
duh
alangan naman papel
then then then
we went to our accounting class..
i got the results na sa exam
guess what??
i got a c
at list pasa no gago

tapos after dissmissal we went to select nanaamn
with juancho karen and jane
hahaha
ate agen
and went to karns house
parang last wik pota
hahaha
then i went home
duh
i bought california maki sa tropical
and superman dvd and american dreams dvd
ahaha
shit
adeek
and then
hmmm

un ngaaral ako for my midterms tom
fuck luck!!!
hehehe
bye

2006-07-13T19:46:00.000+08:00

Courage..the truth about anorexia

this is so touching...at the same time creepy and sad =(

whatever

2006-07-13T19:36:00.000+08:00

I was just sittin in front of the computer all day...
out of boredom, i went to youtube to browse some videos...
i dunno wat came up to me wen i searched for videos anorexia...
i think ive had that disease last year..along with bulimia
well i heard a really good song...
its courage by superchick

"I told another lie today And i got through this day No one saw through my games I know the write words to say Like "i don't feel well," "i ate before i came" Then someone tells me how good i look And for a moment, for a moment i am happy But when i'm alone, no one hears me cry"

That is what exactly i felt when i was depressed last year....

these are some parts of the song...

yeah its a reality that anorexia is a "trend"
but it kills
sobra...

hai nako
so u pro-anas out there...u should change na
eat healthy foods
dont skip meals
it wont hurt if you eat naman
hehehe
ok...
bye

ever...random

2006-07-12T20:09:00.000+08:00

hahaha...
ive never done anything today....

i never even studied my math ....
we have an exam tommorrow...
hahaha
i cud get over it naman
i got the topic
ive searched about it through the net
see!
the wonders of technology...
hahaha

i dyed my hair again...this time its chestnut color...
hahaha
ive been wonderin...
is my hair gonna be damaged??
hehhee
arte
ako naman me gusto mgpakulay...

ive been lovin a certain band right now...
galing nila...
they are paramore...
they have a lady vocalist...
hahaha
try listenin to their song...
download kau sa limewire
hehehe
gnda tlga...

hai..
i never went servicing kanina
actually nasa sucat na kmi nung tinext ako ni karen na cancelled daw ung skul search...
i made a big mistake na malaman ni mommy un kasi
inuwi nia ako sa bahay agad...
i wanna go to sfc pa naman
hahaha
at take note...di ako mgpapacute ha!!
hehehe

hahaha....
these are the things that happened today
*walang badtrips and frustrations...
hehehe

sunday.mall of asia

2006-07-10T20:03:00.000+08:00

fuck that day...
hahaha
sersyoso
mall of asia was crap...
sobra
kasi andaming tao
sum of them are wearing rugged clothes pa...
i didnt mean to be so blunt na nakakasakit na ko but tats really true...
haaha
i also watched superman..
superman is really guwapo
hahaa
sobra!!
i was planning on buying new clothes pero naisip ko na sayang
pang starbucks ko pa kasi un
hahaha

i also have a disgusting kuwento that my family doesnt know...
i was walking towards d nappy changing station when someone said
"hi sexy"
puta!!!
sa mukha ko pa
wala na ba tlgang desenteng lalaki d2 sa pilipinas??
ha?
and i am not even sexy to be called one
hahaha
feel nia ah...
inside me, i wanted to shout
"Hoy Putanginamo!! Gago di ka ba tinuruan ng mga magulang mo ng mgndang asal??"
hahhaa

so aun
i hated that day...

hahahah...laughtrip!!!

2006-07-10T19:32:00.000+08:00

hai nako
andmaing ngyari this day....
1. I had my management report...(buti tapos nako sa reporting...se eula naman..hahaha)
Break A Leg eula!!!
2. Had an Accounting Exam... It was so hard but i managerd to answer 4 out of 5 quessies ...un lng naman ang required e...
3. Never went to the service thing...hahaha
4. i learned that there was a service thing on wed...yehey!!
5. i realized thet i was a great make up artist...
hahaha

okay so after dissmissal, i never went "servicing" ksi its so nakaktamad!!!
juancho sat with us (karen,eula, marj and me) hahaha
and we are MUs na
as in "Mukhang unggoy'
hahaha
juancho kept on calling karen "maria"
and he called marj "marlon"
hahaha
so aun...we got soooooo bored so we went to select
hahaha
i treated juancho ice cream
hahaha
im nice naman tlga
after eating, we went to karens place(w/o marj)
at i realized sumthing...
hahaha
read number 5...hahaha
may secret kming tatlo ni juancho and karen...
di nio pwde malaman
hahaha
so aun laughtrip sa place ni karen
at natuto ako na mag-tie
hehehe
so cute...
so aun
mondays done...
and its fun
hahaha

watta day...

2006-07-08T23:06:00.000+08:00

watta day!!
my butts een hurting coz ive been sitting on the computer chair for hours...
imagine ive been studying from like 2pm to 11pm...
hahaha

iam a very studious girl...
well mainly because i have a report on monday...
its about conflict resolution..
hahaha
ive finished it na so all that ive got to do is to study for my accounting exam...
i have a whole day for that matter...
hehehe
but i think that it would only be half a day coz il go out tom

di bale...
i kno some things naman abt the subject so tht wouldn be a problem
=)

hai nako but tinatamadtlga ako
hahhaa
oh well

i wanna buy new clothes

i wanna shop

i wanna go to starbucks and chill
*can anyone treat me a mocha frap please?? Grande ha?? hehehe

whatever...
hahaha
btw
painted my nails green
*so cool!!!!
hahaha

hahha

2006-07-07T23:31:00.000+08:00

ive got nothin to do kasi gbi na
hahaha
here to upload some photos though konti lng cla
hahaha

with caline waiting for the cradle meeting

with karen wearing juancho's cap

galing no nagkasya kaming apat!! =)

hahaahaha

random things

2006-07-07T22:28:00.000+08:00

hahaha

okai so im back....
again
i had the most boring day in my entire life!!
sobra
grabe i thought that i would have a blast gving my services sa school kanina
anung service ba ginawa ko??
1. Answering the phone
2. Photocopy things
4.sort course syllabus
5. look at the list of mentor mentees
6.sit
7.sit
8.answer the phone

hahaha
see its so boring

hahhaa
oke
gotta go

june

2006-07-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

June,Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite andsoft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easilyhurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

this is so true!!!! hahahah

title basta random things parin and experience commutin =)

2006-07-06T21:54:00.000+08:00

hehehe
i am so tired
sobra...
ok
hehehe
first subject...
marketing
hehehe
it was okei
juz plain ok
its a bit boring though
heehe
and then i never got the chance to eat lunch again
hahahaha
i think that im getting used to skipping lunch
its good in a way though
hehehe

u know y i skipped my lunch?
kasi i was studyin for my math long test
i was so nervous to eat...hahaha
overacting
but then i still went to the vendo machine and bought my favorite famous amos cookies...hahhaa
i really love that "food"
hahaha

and then we had a loooong time answering the exams and i got sooooo tired
sobra
kasi naman answerin long problem solving questins makes me tired
hahaha
hai nako

then got dissmissed na
hahaha
tpos
i was actually planing on rendering my services sa school again
but i ended up hanging out
hahaha
tamad tlga
then we went to starbucks putcha nabasa ung pants ko kasi inabutan kami ng rain
fuck tlga
but itsoke
hahaha
nkapagstarbucks naman e
hahahaand then balik school for the cradle meeting
akalain mo me character pako sa "play"
hahaha
bestfriend ni jackie
hahaha
ok so after the meeting
i experience "my first commuting exparience" with angela and steph
hahaha
i feel so tanga kasi d ako marungong sumakay
and my naapakan pakong bata
hahaha
kawawa nman
hes a pulubi pa naman
=sori to him=
weird

hahaha
and then we went to steph's house courtesy of angela's boyfrend
maraming salamat sa paghatid!! hehehe

and then i stayed there for an hour or so...but i had fun playing with kyla
hahahaha
i had fun
but i was so tired

hahaha
hai nako its late na
babay
mwahh

whatever...still random things...

2006-07-05T19:11:00.000+08:00

ei
i'm back from a tiring day
hehehe
okei

what happened to day??
to start off i woke up late again and a havent made it to school early
hahaa
akala ko pa naman mkakapagservice ako ng maaga
then i arrived at school 1 pm na
unang nakita ko sila youma and elmer
hahaha
and then i went to the registrars office
1pm sharp
grabe no?
sharp pa tlga
and then ms marie told me that nakatoka daw ako sa phone
hahah
the phone
the phone
my worst fear
but then after all i managed to answer the fone calls
and i was saying repeatedly
"southville foreign colleges helo?"
hahaha
there were only two fonecalls though
i was actually expecting more
haha
but its enough
hahaha
then after like 30 minutes
i was assigned naman to photocopy "Stuff"
i feel so stupid kasi i was asking a lot of questions to sir benjie
when he taught me how to photocopy things na
e masisisi nio ba ko
im a forgetful girl
hahaha

after service stuff i met with karen seychelle and elmer to eat
after a couple of choices on where to eat
we ended up eating at select
harhar
select
and then i who is on a diet ate again
hahaha
(i would not eat dinner na though)

after an hour
we went bak to sfc for the cradle meeting
hahaha
cradle has a hectic schedule
performing and stuff
hahaha
and i am part of this group
hahaha

grabe

okei

Frustrations
*i have a long exam tommorrow and its math
*have a repot on monday
*i have a longtest on acctg on monday again

thats about it
byee =)

whatevr..random things

2006-07-04T12:31:00.000+08:00

yo...
hahaha
itsoboring in here...
im actually having my mis class again and im having a blast(whatever)
...uboubo
hahaha
okei...
so i have finished my engerlish class kanina
and guess what?!?
we have another project...
and its actually complicated
kasi tinatamad ako
hehehe
okei...
and then kanina we had a drug test hahaha
disgusting
and i never had yhe time to eat...
im S-T-A-R-V-I-N-G
but then im on a diet so its okei
hahaha

badtrips and frustrations:
*have a new project...the so called project plan.
*prelims are nextnext week
*i guess i have classes tom and on friday
*report on management due on monday
hahaha
byee

a long and freakin day

2006-07-03T21:23:00.000+08:00

hahaha
whatever....
i juz had a tiring day from school
to start my day.... i woke up sooooo late that i never had the chance to eat my breakfast...
hahaha
i was so hungry tlga knina
and i couldnt think well
hai nako
then after the morning class we had lunch sa cafeteria it was so weird coz there were so many people there unlike before and it was soooo crowded...hai nako
and then...
what happened
we had our accounting class
a coupleof hours later we got dissmissed from class and guess what happened to me..
i tripped on the stairs and i broke my shoes...
shit
my pretty shoes
the one with the ribbon...
i really love that shoe
but then we got it fixed kanina sa mr quickie...
so aus na xa
hahaha
so i had a really looooong day...
and also its bad3p
reasons for bad3ps
*i have a report on management due on monday...shit
*mom kept on buggin me abt duing "stuff"
*have a group report due tommorrow
*have an assignment due tommorrow...
fuck life.......
grrrr
bye
hahaha

im back

2006-07-02T18:18:00.000+08:00

hahaha
i guess ill make this blog my regular one
=)

new blog new life

2006-06-08T20:38:00.000+08:00

i was juz wonderin' is this blog fun??
hehehe
some blogs are just so boring...
can i juz transfer my former posts in here?
well ill try