...confessions of a frustrated thespian...

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

got this from ate shine's blog...

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The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage.

Others call it MU or mutualunderstanding.

Pseudo- relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Pseudo-girlfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite.

It is aphase where the persons involved are more than friends, but notquite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala.

One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible dinghindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you.

Walangpormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sakilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kindof "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons.It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and youwant to be with each other but you broke up for a reason.

And forreasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. Itcan also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayongnakikiramdam.

Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag- seryosokaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindipuwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo may ka- relasyon na. Kayahabang hindi pa siya nakikipag- break doon sa boy/girl (sabi niyamakikipag- break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), walamuna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi"hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, canbe fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Perohuwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi walatalagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle saganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung maypatutunguhan? Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon munasa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a seriousrelationship, they would think that pseudo- relationship is betterthan no relationship at all.

It would be fun, if all you are after for isthat "kilig" feeling. But then I learned that although it was only apseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in thiskind of set up, ang merong malulugi.. ung nainlove sa taong takenna. Una, you can't ask him/her to commit. Since it's not really arelationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner.

Anoba kayo? You will always be uncertain about your role in his/herlife. You can't expect him/her to be always there with you. And ifyou feel jealous of the other boys/girls, you just have to keep it toyourself.

Ano ka ba niya para magselos? Pangalawa, what if youfall deeply in love with him/her? You can't be sure if he/she feels thesame way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even ifyou are dying to tell him/her you love him/her, you can't.

Becauseyou're not sure if he/she will like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. Thisstage will always make you wonder where you are in therelationship. Or if there is a relationship at all. Pangatlo, what if youbecome attached too much? What if you have invested all youremotions and this man/woman hasn't? What if you remain faithful tohim/her, not entertaining other guys/gals, only to find out that he/sheis seeing other girls/boys?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or whenone of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in aserious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isangpseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sapseudo- relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"hindi "us."

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Recently,

one blockmate of mine told me that i really look sick and tired...

i dont wanna believe him..but when i took a glance at the mirror i realized

that i do look sick...

yea..i havent been eating right for days...errr weeks

love has got nothing to do with this if thats what ur thinking...

i just have no appetite...

i dont want to eat .... Idunno why

Yes, i have been craving for food but not the regular healthy food..but junks....

id rather not eat than eat junk food

that is so weird...

whats wrong with my body?!?!?!

~~~~~sleep is also my problem...
my insomnia might actually be back in my system..

i couldnt sleep...In effect i get to look sick and restless in class...

this is not a love problem ok?

hahahahaa

i would have to deal with this for...errrr...uhhh...3 weeks? or 4 weeks?

someone told me that i should get some sleep and take my vitamins...

thanks for the advice dude!

iinom nako ng enervon so i could get back to being myself again..

hehehe....

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ok so i should get some sleep now...
and mgpapafacial ako later...

afternun..=)

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;

Monday, March 12, 2007

if you could turn back time to last year...

you would probably talk to a different carmina...

usual topics?

boys
school
frustrations
family
and girly things

i dont really go out ..... Im juz not that kind of girl..

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last saturday after a party of a cousin, we passed by santa ana church. I was there last year.

Passing there brought me to a lot of flashbacks last year....

I remembered that i made a wish...that was almost granted...

i seriously hoped that life was a lot less complicated like last year...

all you have to do is pass the exams then wellah! Youve graduated...

However, it is not as easy as before...

i have to maintain my scholarship and other stuffs...

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A was a bit timid and more naive last year....

good thing i changed

probably

You'd still hear me bragging about boys and stuffs.. But often times triptrip lng un

hahaha...

and i dont wanna get stressed with those things since IT MAKES ME UGLY...

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What is the difference with carmina now and carmina before?

Carmina uses "the mall" as the stress releiver..haha- i go there more than once a week...

i might actually be a compulsive shopper...hahaha..oh my god!

2. Last year, guys are my world....Today, i am their world..

KAPAL! Pero, i dont get fooled easily na...I learned to restrict my heart from falling hard for a guy... Yea, i fell for one..I didnt actually fall for him...I fell for who i thought he was...=)...So thats over... screw him..haaha

3. I spend as much time with my friends as possible

self explanatory....

4. I have more frustrations before than now

5. I control myself from saying something stupid...

to maintain good relationships...=)

6. Im not that timid anymore....

thats good right?

7 . I realized that guys are all the same

Nuff said....and im not a manhater....

so thats it...

and oh!

one more thing!...

this is mababaw pero I wear makeup na!..hahaha

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whatever...

at this time i should probably take a bath and prepare for school...

but then here i am blogging...

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Carmina is again alone and bored...

tssss

they all left me here..

parents and my sister went grocery shopping

bros playin outside with his frends...

me?

im staring blankly at the monitor

listening to akon's music..

im so nlove with him

haha

im back to my fantasy world..

haha

now smack that is playin at the background...

it makes me wanna dance..

kaso magmumukha akong baliw..
hehe

this is so weird coz im used to being alone dito sa bahay

ngaun...parang feeling ko gusto ko tlga umalis

i wanna buy sumthin

sumthin

maliban sa food

i think that ive become a compulsive shopper...

it makes happy pag bumili ako ng kahit anong thing

that is so weird..

so i always end up being broke..

tsss..

pano na kaya sa summer

wala akong money...huhu

mghahanap nlng ako ng summer job so i could sustain my material needs..

haha

material needs amp

what has happend to me?

d naman ako ganito ka gastasera before..

haha

i guess people change tlga...

hmmpp

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last friday, tel and i bonded

haha

tambay kami sa bf ...

nakakaaliw

lalo na un laptop boys..

haha

juz kiddin

i shouldve left my number..

haha

yuck anlandi..im not that hopeless pare

went to ruins and bought dvd

i bought two pairs of earrings den..

ano ba?

e pretty eh..
hehe

then we went to imma..

feeling ko weekly andun ako
haha

we stalked our crush...

yuck stalker!!

angkyot e...yeeeeeee kilig moments

they were there ngpapractice??

and exhaling...sssssssssss weird

after nun dumeretso kami sa bahay

we watched music and lyrics that we bought sa ruins

the story was nice..

dun sa mga d pa nakakapanood u should watch it...=)

i liked the song sun..un way back into love..

ganda ng meaning...

try to download it

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so un lng...

im really bored..

haha

wla rin akong kaym today

everyones offlyn...

weird...

sige na..=)

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;

oh my

im so bored...

huhuhu

weekend di ako nakalabas ng bahay

feelingko ill go crazy...

di rin ako nakapasok sa mall this weekend

hahahaha

di bale next week babawi ako

haha

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;

Thursday, March 01, 2007

yea..it was the last day of february...

february was a memorable month for me

dont ask me why...

LONG STORY

ohwell to cut the long story short...

i got my heart broken again...

hahahaha

ok? nuff said

yesterday, we had an industrial visit at shell pandacan...

the bus ride was fun

but when we got to the place..

dun sa may ngdidisscuss

naging sleepy ako..so boring...

tsssss

the group was divided into two batches sa mg tutour..

i was part of the second batch...

napagtripan nanaman ako nila elmer and youma..

hahaha

lagi naman eh...

then we had a talk about my bitterness kuno..

one blockmate told me that when it comes to love

you should be wise...

haha

di mo pwede reserve sarili mo..

haha

yea...

ur ryt...

thanks for the advice

next time gnun nako....

and he told me dapat dw mrunong magluto..

haha

ewn ko kung bkt..pero sige..next time i would have a list of requirements...

mghintay lng kau..haha..amp

anyway, change topic....

i wanna go out tommorrow!!!..

KRISTEL! are you readin this? tuloy ba tau bukas?

hahaha

dapat matuloy..nababagot ako dito..haha

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;